The K-Jo-Khan effect
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If there is a movie that I am waiting to watch (Pudhupettai, Pirates-III and Omkara were three recent flicks that fit this profile), I usually stay away from their reviews, and I wholeheartedly advise everyone else to do this too.
But with a K-Jo directed movie, the risk of reading plot-spoiling reviews is almost negligible. You get to know what would happen in every single frame when you hear a whiff of the plot-line from a random sound-byte that K-Jo “tantalizingly†provides while informing us that it would be a [insert random adjective] movie.
Or, you don’t. That is, if you are brain-dead with an IQ of 25. Some clever people will claim that it is a truth universally acknowledged that when you are brain dead, your low IQ does not matter, and vice versa. Well whatever! Catch my point? You cannot be stupid enough to really be surprised by what passes off as plot twists in a K-Jo movie.
Not to digress, me thinks that the rhetorical “Why doesn’t my wife want to sleep with me†question that Abhishek poses to his wife in the promo, presented a glaringly un-locked door in the screenplay to get into the Brokeback Mountain genre. You know, the first ever Bollywood “Our wives don’t find us hot, but we do ourselves” couple? And that’s because making a joke about same sex coupling is so passe. Such a twist would have set the cash registers aflame, with the perceived semi-autobiographical hat tip. But no, it can’t be done, if you recognize the fact that “bold†in Bollywood is more about getting wardrobe challenged Negar Khan to gyrate in a music video with stoned pole dancers in the background.
I think I caught one of those aforementioned sound bytes on this random Bollywood exercise in wanking off that appears every Saturday on public TV here in NJ. In any case, with an IQ that is just short of Mensa standards (modesty prevents me from saying anything more), it was not difficult to deduce, knowing the cast of course, that the male protagonists are going to indulge in some good old fashioned wife swapping. And voila, you now know that infidelity qualifies both as the plot twist and the plot vehicle in this movie! And anytime a movie is based solely on one single non working plot twist, all that remains to be seen from reviews is how funny they can get. I mean the reviews.
Naachgaana has one such rollicking review by Abhishek Bandekar. Among other things, he says,
Maya and Dev, unhappy in their current relationships, befriend each other. They are compatible you see- she cannot bear a child, he cannot lift his leg(what were you thinking pervert?). Meanwhile Rhea still can’t bear Dev and Rishi still cannot give up being a child. Why didn’t they just call this movie Bears, Children and One Broken Leg!
There is more here. However, don’t read it if you know that your IQ is in the low double digits. Why are you looking at me like that? After all someone had to be stupid to preserve the balance in the universe, no? Hey, it is always better that it is you, than me.
Update: You know what my favorite TV program is calling this movie? Kank! Not K.A.N.K (i.e the acronym), but “kank”, which rhymes with skank! And my favorite program is showing a “making of feature”, where the Khan in this movie has this to say - “It is a scary movie”. Ya, thank you Sir, for stating the obvious!
And yes, Abhishek Bachchan needs a shave. NOW. He looks positively dirty. Could one of you gals who drool so much that the floor turns all slippery within a blink of your eyelashes, organize a fund raising drive to pay for a Braun for the junior Bachchan? Thank you.
ÜberDesi
capriciously_me
August 11th, 2006 at 4:35 pmu told the entire plot man…shudnt u have a spoiler alert or something? NOW, u’ve spoilt the movie for me!! tch! tch!
Ravages http://www.selectiveamnesia.org/
August 12th, 2006 at 5:35 amLOL! Adhu eppadi na, modesty prevents you from saying more heh?
Edho, nalla irundha sari.
tilotamma
August 12th, 2006 at 9:43 amPudhupettai,and Omkara fit this profile for me.
Normally stay away from Hollywood…
dev2r http://dev2r.com/blog
August 12th, 2006 at 12:54 pmThe only thing I thought of when I see the trailers is, how the hell can they afford such a swank house living in NYC? I doubt that one would have free time left for wife-swapping activities and the ensuing drama if one needed to maintain this standard of living.
dev2r http://dev2r.com/blog
August 12th, 2006 at 12:55 pmGrammar and tense went belly-up in my last post, thousand apologies.
superstarksa http://superstarksa.com
August 12th, 2006 at 2:08 pmDev: Apparently one of the four is a magazine editor and another is a “banker”. So money not an issue, I think.
And everything is part of the game. My post might have one thousand! Who cares?
Tilo: Sometimes Hollywood movies are fun. Even if they are cliched, they are certainly different. And their version of “cliched” is different from ours. Btw, sent you an email that bounced!
Ravages: Modesty is a virtue, man!
CM amma: Yes, andha last couple of passages were for you i think
hawkeye http://hawkeyeview.blogspot.com
August 13th, 2006 at 10:30 am4 hrs is just too long for me to wait for a few wife swapping soft porn scenes. the dialogs and songs preceeding those scenes would turn me off anyway. waiting for somebody to do a youTube.
qs.gemini http://no-creativity.blogspot.com
August 13th, 2006 at 10:48 amBrutal, Mr. Anantha. Very brutal! I know it’s not cool to say you want to watch KANK, but I will say it anyways - I am waiting to watch the movie, and I will - without reading the reviews! :p
mlc
August 13th, 2006 at 1:33 pmanantha, 1st of all, neengalum naanum oru vishayathule onnu. we’re hardcore thalaivar fans! had to say this 1st b4 i tell u this .. i saw “KANK” y’day and thot it was a well taken movie for the complex scenario it portrayd. It cud’ve been taken in other “cheaper” and “complex” ways that bollywood luvs to do but i thot K.Jo did a good job. infidelity le yenna right / wrong nu kekalaam but sila samayathule sila vishayangal nadandhu oru complex situation-a maarumbodhu, adha deal panra vidham makes all the difference. what k.jo said or did about that situation may be different from what u or other ppl think, which is fine. but i think what he was tryng to say, made sense to a good extent. yes, not all of it. but majority of it did. abishek def. did a good job (looks paththi sollaley) versus sharukh’s over acting at times!! rani looked much bettr than preity. moththathula the movie had me laughing, crying and thinking … yenakku pudichirundhadhu.
superstarksa http://superstarksa.com
August 13th, 2006 at 8:27 pmmlc: What I was trying to say is that, it is very easy to guess what he means by “bold”. And yes, the other methods would definitely be avoided, then that to congratulate K Jo for that, would be a case of crowning a one-eyed man as the king of the blind. And your last line is what differentiates the gals from us guys. And my reaction could just be a typical guy reaction to the melodramatic trash in KJo movies.
q.s: Yes, I am sure you will. And yes, please do not read any reviews till you watch it. Btw, any plans for that fund raiser for Abhishek?
Hawkeye: Yes, Am not sure you will come out satisfied. That was another door in the screenplay that is left un-opened - the entry into the soft core wife swapping porno genre. He he!
Balaji http://bbthots.blogspot.com
August 14th, 2006 at 7:52 pmNo ‘Snakes on a Plane’ on that waiting-to-watch list??! Now there’s a movie where reading any # of reviews is not gonna spoil the fun
Wanderer
August 15th, 2006 at 1:30 pmplot twist plot twist nu ivlo solraelay… KJ padathula plottunu onnu irundhadhaanay twist vara mudiyum?!?!?!
superstarksa http://superstarksa.com
August 15th, 2006 at 2:05 pmWanderer: That is true, but I can’t alienate the mostly non existent female readers any more than what I have done already.
Balaji: True. But I shall wait for DVD or TBS for that one, I think. You know what, come to think of it, that’s the closest that Hollywood can come to K-Jo. Just go to your office’s water cooler and whisper “snakes”, “plane” and “Samuel L Jackson” to anyone who comes there and voila, you will get a blow by blow account of the movie. And you will not need to use the “mo-fo” word at all to get this reaction from them
Hawkeye http://hawkeyeview.blogspot.com
August 16th, 2006 at 11:27 amu mean abhishek and preity dont do it. then whats there in this movie. why should people watch this instead of a ‘few’ select scenes from ‘unfaithful’ or ‘murder’
SKM http://preciousbeing.blogspot.com
August 16th, 2006 at 4:29 pmOH!My!pakadeenganu sollreenga.Thanks for the review.
qs.gemini http://no-creativity.blogspot.com
August 16th, 2006 at 6:31 pmBtw, any plans for that fund raiser for Abhishek?
If anything, the fundraiser will be to sponsor his trip to Boston!
capriciously_me
August 16th, 2006 at 8:21 pmsuperstarksa, ungalukum kalyanam-nu ellarum sollaraanga…unmaiya? ponnu yaaru? do we get invited?
superstarksa http://superstarksa.com
August 16th, 2006 at 8:27 pmAaatha: Appadiya? Yaaru ponnu? Wow.. eppo? :p
Q.S: All the best for THAT one
SKM: That was not a review.
Hawkeye: I don’t know. I know Rani and Shah Rukh do it. Preity and Abhishek should do it. That’s divine justice for divine lovers!
SKM http://preciousbeing.blogspot.com
August 16th, 2006 at 9:57 pmadhudhan puttu puttu pichu pichu vaichurukeengale.(ungalukku thevaiyanna scenes mattum ;P) idhukku nan enna per vaika, solla?
Wanderer
August 17th, 2006 at 4:16 pmWanderer: That is true, but I can’t alienate the mostly non existent female readers any more than what I have done already.
Aaah… that explains all the kothamalli and other culinary posts of late…
Oooh… sneakyyyy
Sriram http://sriramr.blogspot.com
August 17th, 2006 at 4:41 pmAnantha,
kalyanama? Sollave ille!!
capriciously_me
August 17th, 2006 at 5:22 pmfinally, someone(s) gets it…
thanks wanderer &&& sriram!!
WA
August 17th, 2006 at 5:53 pmFirst IMSE, ippo aNTi, next CM dhaan appo.
superstarksa http://superstarksa.com
August 18th, 2006 at 12:37 amWA: First IMSE, second CM, 100th dhaan anantha.
CM: Moodum!
Sriram: Vera velai illaya?
Wanderers: No no. The culinary posts were/are solely because of our inclination to eat good and yet cheap food. Where else is this possible? Nowhere but Home only!
SKM: No no. Neenga enna thappa purinjikittu irukkeenga!
Truth Fairy http://truthfairy.blogspot.com
August 18th, 2006 at 9:40 amLol! Did you watch KANK btw? DON’T!!!! EVER!!!! Omkara? If not, that’s something you should definitely watch. Shahrukh’s lost it and it’ll probably do him good to get a few lessons from Saif.
superstarksa http://superstarksa.com
August 18th, 2006 at 9:53 amTF-II: No. I did not watch Kank. I did not watch KKKG too. I decided not to watch KKKG when i heard one of the characters was called Poo! Omkara, yes, first day, first show (here in NJ, that is) and loved it. Not quite Maqbool, but VishalB knows what he is doing.
And yes, SRK lost it when he started doing roles that required him to shed a tear or two. Hamming and tearing up dont really go well, esspecially if the same face is involved!