Making an ASS out of U and ME (Updated…)
If you're new here, you may want to subscribe to my RSS feed. Thanks for visiting!
Everyone assumes and makes an ASS out of U and Me. Sounds cliched, huh? Someone assumes that everyone who searches for “hot madrasi gals” on the Net is South Indian. And yet another assumes that someone who bitches about India is an NRI. In either case, the people making the assumption end up sounding like they have their face up their asses. What is even funnier is the people who follow these first movers and agree with the same assumptions under another mistaken assumption that more people agreeing to the same assumption makes the assumption come true.
I have seen specific cases of both assumptions and almost in the same day. While the first assumption just made me laugh, the second case left me with a bad taste. The person who’s been assumed to be an NRI, seems to be an American (Indian American perhaps?) citizen who has never been to India apart from a few weeks. Someone saw her blog post where she raises a few eyebrows about servers serving food bare-handed at a wedding reception in India and about people pushing her about while getting off the flight in India. And promptly posted the link to her blog on a recent DP’d blog post that indulged in anti-NRI rhetoric.
Neither am I willing to give him link love, nor am I interested in hearing any more unrelated bullshit about risk analysis (ya, I confronted him about it). So let’s just call the guy X. Now when X saw her post complaining about poor grammar on signboards (like the “Horn Ok Please” sign on trucks) and what she perceives as poor hygiene (relatively) and poor manners in a public place, he was “irritated”. So he does what any self respecting, patriotic and “irritated” Indian will do. In his “irritation”, not only does X assume that this lady is an India-hating NRI, but he posts her link on the comments section of a post filled with anti-NRI rhetoric, decries her post as “NRI crap” and also refers to her as a “kenai” and a “fuckr” (sic!).
What happens thence would have probably dissuaded the lady from accompanying her husband to India (even if it is on a short term work related stay) if not for the fact that she seems to genuinely like India and wants to come here. Some half a dozen similarly “irritated” people, some of whom have the the tag “Indian” as part of their aliases, have since followed X’s trailblazing and descended on her blog and proceeded to make an ass out of themselves, mentioning things like how people who wipe their asses with paper should not talk about personal hygiene.
Now I sent an email to X, telling him that there is nothing to suggest that his assumption was true and that he owes her an apology for crying wolf. X promptly pings me on GTalk (as if I couldn’t do the same to talk to him in the first place) and proceeds to say that she did not (I am paraphrasing his words) do a proper risk analysis before deciding to move. X says that if she was moving to India, she should be aware of what she is getting into and if she does not like it, she should not do it. If that’s not warped logic, what is? Especially because his assumption was based on ONE single post where she states facts as she saw them and does not do a comparison with her own country? According to X, apparently her trip to India should have been subjected to a risk analysis similar to what she would do if she was visiting a war torn country like Sierra Leone, i.e., if she is visiting Sierra Leone, she should know what her risk of getting killed is.
I pointed out to him that she might not have decided to come here if her husband was not moving here on a business related stay. His response was as flippant as they come - in that case she should convince her husband to drop the idea. Well, as flippant as it sounds, I would agree with it, if she was a India-hater like he ASSumes in the first place. But she is not. My conversation with X ended with me insisting that the lady is owed an apology. And while X said that it was a mistake on his part to assume that the lady was an India-hating NRI and draw her into this bullshit, I don’t really think he meant it.
My feeling of outrage is even more heightened on reading more of her posts. It seems her husband is Indian and her blog contains a number of positive references to India and the changes she has made in her life. She talks about visiting relatives in New Jersey during the Thanksgiving holiday and having a vegetarian meal while forgoing the traditional Thanksgiving lunch. To me it sounds like a lot of adjustment, considering that eating turkey on Thanksgiving is an American tradition much like pongal and sugarcane is a Indian (well Tamil) tradition on the day of Pongal. If that’s not preparing her for her Indian sojourn, I don’t know what is.
So what gives these buggers the right to chastise her? The fact that they have appointed themselves the protectors of India’s reputation against the despicable acts of the Westerner and the NRI? I don’t know! All I know is that the poor lady is owed an apology. If no one is prepared to do it, I will gladly do it.I might be an NRI at the moment, but I certainly love India enough that it pains to comprehend even a slight probability that someone could change their mind and start hating India. I only wish I knew her email id, for a comment certainly does not seem apt.
And just like these buggers feel that they have the right to abuse anyone who complains about India, I feel I have every right to complain about how, while in India a few weeks ago, I was forced, while riding a scooter, more than once into jumping red lights. I was forced to do so faced by the fear of getting rear ended by the heavier vehicles honking behind me. And don’t even get me started about the incessant honking, when I know it is perfectly possible to abstain from the same and live to talk about it. But I think and understand that it all happens for a reason and my complaints never go beyond a few minutes of such talk with my friends who calmly put me in my place, unlike these idiots that resort to abuse.
Chenthil, a couple of weeks ago that you seemed amazed (maybe I misunderstood, but that’s besides the point) that I could stay neutral. Well, I have had to make an exception. I am taking sides with a lady, who in her own description is a transplanted Texan living in the (American) Northeast with “the (Indian) Husband”. And it has to be against some individuals who I am ashamed to call my own brethren. I have seen a number of cases of mob justice on blogs, but not many such instances of what I term as “mob stupidity”. And that amazes me.
Update: I have exchanged a couple of emails with the lady and it strikes me that though X read this and talked to me later (on GTalk), he really did not get the point behind the post and my view that the lady deserved an apology. My problem was not only about the initial assumption, but also about the fact the the mob set on her with derision, fanned by the flame lit via the initial ABUSE by X.
It appears X sent her an email, apologizing ONLY for the assumption. However the email (X) held her responsible for making “value judgements which juxtapose one culture (western) with indian culture“. And the email also informs her that he thinks that she need not come to India if she has problems with the bovine presence on the roads and the lack of personal hygiene (on a western scale) etc.
Sigh! So what are we going to do about the people born and brought up (and who live) in India who share her opinions? I say, we pool in money to apply for US visas for all of them and ship them out here to the US! So that way, people who don’t care for stray/domesticated cows (I’m sorry, Amit, some of us really dont!) can complain in peace.
Jokes apart, while I get the impression that she seems set to take this as the best sign of closure that she’d get, I don’t. But her’s is the opinion that matters in this case. So while the matter rests here, the idiots rule on!
ÜberDesi
Deepa http://lordlabak.blogspot.com
February 8th, 2007 at 10:12 pmYour first para is a GEM and I am with you on your “analysis” of the situation. oops! I am an NRI too.
Primalsoup http://bonniebluebutler.blogspot.com/
February 8th, 2007 at 10:16 pmYou porn loving Madrasi boy, you! Such a bad name you get for us Madrasi chicks. Every place we go, people laugh at us. Sigh.
superstarksa http://superstarksa.com
February 8th, 2007 at 10:43 pmPrimalsoup: Smugie darling, porn’s what helps the average desi male survive for long in the bad bad world of single-dom, well at least till he gets to roll in the hay with “hot madrasi gals”.
Deepa: I am very outraged today! Now to go and have some dinner! Hopefully all these bad vibes won’t give me an upset stomach!
Kaushik http://scientificbellows.wordpress.com
February 9th, 2007 at 1:02 amASS out of U and ME
Good one. The place where I saw it though used best is in one of my favourite books- Silence of the lambs.
The things one has to do these days to be truly chennaivasi !!
shub
February 9th, 2007 at 4:15 amNicely put..
sumeet
February 9th, 2007 at 5:35 pmAnantha…Very well put. I cannot stop talking about how when you try to bring better changes for india by pointing the deficiencies india has only after comparing it with other countries..we are called “Gaddar”…Same doesnt happen when you had stayed all your life in india….One time i was told this by a relative of mine ” We love our motherland a lot..probably you dont”
My answer was( In Hindi)
Kuch log apni desh bhakti apne zubaan pei le ghoomtein hain, kuch log apne dil mein..i am glab i am the latter
Lalita http://lalitalarking.blogspot.com
February 10th, 2007 at 6:18 amWhat a rant!
mlc
February 11th, 2007 at 2:22 pmnalla post anantha. i can totally u/stnd yr argumnt.
aana yenaku indha comment-a yezhudha thoondiyadhu was unga badhil/s to the “m’ras chicks” post ! appadiye pongi yezhundhu, andha panni-ya (sorry! .. on 2nd thots, no sorry!! .. namba oor ponnugalapaththi kandapadi paesaravan, panni-ye dhaan! beymaani nu kooda saethukalaam!) .. neenga, I, vc, nilu, hawkeye etc … yellarum adichi, thovachi, pizhinji, kandhal thuni range le kaayapotuteenga!! it felt good:-)! and it looks like he still did’nt get it! sila paerayellaam solli thiruthamudiyum …. siladhayellaam naalu saathinaa dhaan thiruthamudiyum polarku!!
Sunil http://balancinglife.blogspot.com
February 12th, 2007 at 5:49 pmI think a lot of us feel the way you do……and there have been too many times I’ve just been ashamed of some of the stuff that I’ve read (though I had nothing to do with it). Where does the motivation for such comments come from?
Zep
February 14th, 2007 at 9:38 amfantastic post machi! cant agree with you more.. very well written, as always!
DesiPundit » Archives » Ass-U-Me http://www.desipundit.com/2007/02/14/ass-u-me/
February 14th, 2007 at 3:49 pm[...] Anantha is ashamed by an instance of mob justice perpetrated by his fellow bloggers. [...]
Andy http://dandavinci.blogspot.com
February 15th, 2007 at 2:54 amI have linked this post on Parsings’ comments section. Some of those comments are rude I tell you.
Anonymous
February 15th, 2007 at 3:43 am*ADMIN SAYS: This blog generally does not allow anonymous comments. This one came up online because of a glitch perpetuated by a configuration change that has since been corrected.*
The worst thing to happen in Indian blogsphere is the Desipundit thing. It has totally vitiated the blogworld by perpetuating these flamed bloggers who talk bout Madrasi girls and bitchy NRIs.
Santosh http://uberdesi.com
February 15th, 2007 at 9:32 amGreat post Anantha. Mob justice seems to be as prevalent among desi bloggers as it is in real life among desis. Just because someone critcizes you, does not mean they hate you. I guess some people never heard of constructive criticism.
Ash http://www.adashofash.com
February 15th, 2007 at 10:02 am[I'm a DP contributor]
Anon, yeah well DesiPundit also links to the sane people who criticize the crazy bloggers out there.
And the point of linking to insane posts is to make you sane guys aware of it and correct the misconceptions.
superstarksa http://superstarksa.com
February 15th, 2007 at 10:58 amAsh: Thanks for stepping in.
Santosh: I am not averse from that and honestly (though I don’t know you that well) I am not sure whether you will be averse to that either. I mean, its all in the beliefs. If we believe something, we step in, be it as a group or by ourselves. But where it goes into the realm of stupidity is when someone makes a glaring mistake and everyone else jump in and play “follow the leader”. Its not sycophancy, but stupidity that is the problem.
Anon: As Ash said above, if someone does not highlight the wrongs, how will you know what to avoid? Like for instance the whole “madrasi” business. Most of the people, who hail from states other than the 4 southern states (5 incl. Pondicherry) don’t see what the big deal is, with the term. But the fact is, it offends. I just hope this whole brouhaha brought that (i.e. the term “madrasi” is offends a lot of South Indians who have been abused using that term as a slur) into the public domain. And DP did its part in making that happen, I think.
Andy: Thanks. Those comments were the catalyst for this post.
Zep: Thanks.
Sunil: I don’t know if I can absolve myself of any blame in other cases. I think the motivation comes from strong beliefs that sometimes shield them from introspection.
mlc: Thanks. I thought I’d leave the “ugly” part to “madrasi chicks” like you (my tongue is firmly in my cheek, btw) and concentrate on the “madrasi” part. I was amazed that no one publicly questioned him enough about that arbit rape statement, though I have reason to believe he got more than a few flames on email. And he did not get it. Again, happens with “strong beliefs” i think.
Lali: Better than my proposed rant about the suspended license, no?
Sumeet:
Nicely said man!
Shub: Thanks…..
Kaushik: Did not immediately realize that there was a Silence of the Lambs connection. But this is a line that my boss uses a lot - Never Assume. It makes an ASS out of U and ME. Thought it was fitting. Ya, the things one has to do to be a chennaivasi!
Santosh http://uberdesi.com
February 15th, 2007 at 1:10 pmAnantha,
I’m not averse to falling prey to the mob mentality but seldom follow it when it turns abusive.
Another problem this situation highlights is the problem of people confusing jingoism to patriotism. You can love your country and wear it on your sleeve all you want but when you constantly turn your back to the problems the country us facing and attack someone else for pointing it out, you’re *NOT* being patriotic.
“Patriotism is the last refuge of a scoundrel.”
-Samuel Johnson
superstarksa http://superstarksa.com
February 15th, 2007 at 1:23 pmSantosh: Understood. Btw, I was not calling you out, but was trying to convey that it is pretty natural to get into a mob mentality. About getting out when it comes to abuse, I try to do that too. Yeah and I am not sure whether “jingoism” is a term that a lot of us even understand. Sigh!
Nita http://nitawriter.wordpress.com
February 16th, 2007 at 11:45 amActually when I first read her comment I didn’t like it but then when I thought about it I realised that she meant no harm really. I guess all of these people who attacked her overreacted. However I agree with you on one thing. There are a lot of people who live abroad who are more loyal than the King. We in India are constantly cirbbing and complaining though we would never leave India for the world and there is not harm in complaining!
But I can tell you one thing. I have been a blogger for just five months and the kind of shitty people you have on the internet, its amazing. Once when I wrote somethign negative about India (that too on a comment, not a post) I was told I should go to live in China! Amazing, because this guy who told me to go to China was living in some white country while I was proudly living in my own. After going to his blog I realised that he was an Indian American who was one of those who couldn’t stand any critiscim about India. Probably he has been subjected to racism. What these people don’t understand is that in India we are criticizing all the time, the media is doing it every single day, the TV channels too, people too. We want to improve India for gods sake, not pretend that everythign is hunky dory.
superstarksa.com | Blog Archive | We are people too… http://superstarksa.com/2007/03/09/we-are-people-too/
March 9th, 2007 at 10:49 am[...] Minutes after I posted my first post on ÃœberDesi.com, my GTalk popped up announcing a message from X. Regular readers might know X from here. [...]
India « Parsing Time http://parsingtime.wordpress.com/2007/02/03/india/
April 3rd, 2007 at 5:14 pm