A half-decent book that is introduced as a collection of wizarding fables (with notes by a Harry Potter character), it soon loses its charm. When JKR buries the voices of the fables’ protagonists under the accompanying notes, the reader starts questioning the book’s length and wonders who the target audience is (definitely not *THIS* Muggle).

In many ways, the work of a critic is easy. We risk very little yet enjoy a position over those who offer up their work and their selves to our judgment. We thrive on negative criticism, which is fun to write and to read. But the bitter truth we critics must face is that, in the grand scheme of things, the average piece of junk is more meaningful than our criticism designating it so.

- Anton Ego / Peter O’ Toole (Ratatouille, 2007)

One of my pet peeves has always been bad reviews and their reviewers, be it for movies, books or something else. And this line just stuck a chord with me. Reviews and reviewers are bound to be judgmental, but I can’t stand reviews that give away plot details, even if it is with the usage of a single word.

For example, I read a “opinion piece” about the last Harry Potter book recently that managed to divulge a key Bollywood-esque plot twist that had confounded readers since 1997. All that was needed was just one single phrase. And it is funny that that this so-called “opinion piece” came exactly 2 days after the release of the said book, which makes me wonder if the law should prohibit all “opinion pieces” about books and movies till a few months after the release, giving people enough time to form opinions of their own.

My response to the said piece was to ask for the inclusion of a “**spoiler alert**” warning on top of the piece, which went unheeded. Am I the only reader who knew what “unrequited” meant? Or am I the only one who put two and two together?

And then a few days later, I think, there was a “review” of the same book on the same website. And again, with the use of a single phrase, another plot detail was given out. My response to that review would have been the same as the previous one – a plea to include a “**spoiler alert**”. But the futility of the action just forced me to remain silent. But, after I completed the book, I realized that the use of the phrase was questionable.

These are but two of the recent cases that I have come across. I don’t claim to be a reviewer of note. In fact, there are a few reviewers that I absolutely idolize, e.g., Ebert. DoZ swears by Lane, but I don’t subscribe to the New Yorker, so I haven’t read much from him. Our very own B. Rangan comes close, but I have wondered if some of the movies that he as reviewed recently deserve the positive notes that he has sprinkled in about them. Seriously, Jhoom Barbar Jhoom and charming? But that brings us to the other point. Reviews are but the personal viewpoints of the reviewer. So I would never dare to question Baradwaj on his views.

I don’t typically question reviews because I have a choice. The fact that Variety called Marigold “charming” or that Baradwaj Rangan trashed it makes no difference. I still wouldn’t see it because the sight of Salman Khan always brings to mind that old Hey, I know you. You are the tellaphone man line that has left me totally scarred. I know the Krishs and the Dhooms are crap, but I still saw them. Either because it is totally a personal perspective or I am forced by association to go along with friends to ensure future company when I need it. Like I said, I have a choice.

So, I am sure you are wondering what I am doing here ranting about bad reviews, when I have a choice. Of course, like always, you have a valid point. But I do have an excuse. My feed reader, that’s what. Most of the time, I am deep into a post when I realize I have read too much.

So, my friends, bloggers and reviewers, next time you decide to write a review or blog about something you have read or seen, don’t worry about telling me that the subject sucked. Or that the subject rocked. I don’t care. But please do refrain from describing the subject minute by minute or word to word. As Ego writes about Remy’s cooking in Ratatouille, the average piece of junk is more meaningful than our criticism designating it so. So, don’t make make it worse divulging plot details.