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And today, after finding both videos on Youtube, I am more or less sure.

Presenting Rajiv Menon and Prabhu Deva paying homage (with a National Award winning performance) to Gene Kelly…

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I realized that I was closing in upon a milestone. By the time this post is online, it will be 5 years since I started blabbering. My first post was posted on Blogger on the 10th of February, 2003. And barring a few months early on and around 100 days in late ’04 and early ’05, I have been posting rather regularly.

Looking at Lekhni’s tag, I realized that she had given me a good chance to take a retrospective look and to reminisce upon these five years gone by. But the problem with my blog is that, as my erstwhile tagline (( I have an ever-changing tagline now, courtesy Twitter?)) goes, it is the record of an egoist’s road trip through life with cricket, music, books, cars and movies for company.

Which means that this blog is about me and me alone. So, as the days go by, it becomes increasingly difficult to remember the odd posts that one has “written” relating to some of the keywords of this tag. Also, the difficulty is compounded by the fact that I took an oath, with myself as witness, that I wouldn’t post anything personal here. So the odd heartbreak has almost never found an outlet here, even if some friends (both online and IRL) have heard me obsess over it.

I have come to a conclusion that wherever I think I won’t be able to fit within the confines of the tag, I will bend the boundaries to my whims and fancies. Hey, this is MY blog and I do what I think is right. Also, my ego prevents me from sticking to the “1 post per keyword” rule of this tag. I will hence go ahead and regurgitate multiple links wherever possible. But let me just make the basic rules clearer to everyone.

The rules of the tag are: Post 5 links to 5 of your previously written posts. The posts have to relate to the 5 key words given (family, friend, yourself, your love, anything you like). Tag 5 other friends to do this meme. Try to tag at least 2 new acquaintances (if not, your current blog buddies will do) so that you get to know them each a little bit better.

Family: As far as family is concerned, my mom offers the single largest (potential) inspiration for posts on this blog, but I haven’t posted much in this regard. Anyways, as much as I denied it then, this post had its genesis in a phone conversation with my mom.

Friends: I think I will use this keyword as a chance to link to a couple of 55 word shorts. This short is about a short lived friendship. Here is another I wrote about what will intrigue some of my vetti friends.

Yourself: The majority of this blog is about me and my overblown ego. I am tempted to link to some of my “infamous” posts here (tulips/volcano, anyone? Or the silly photo meme?). But I have other plans.

Two years ago, I put up an “accomodation wanted post” that the aforementioned vetti friends hijacked and converted into a post that screamed “Looking for a Significant Other” post. Occupied as I was in my worries about finding an apartment and settling into a new job, I edited that post to make it sound less frivolous. But later, seeing where they were coming from and the fact that it did sound like a matrimonial ad, I recovered the post and put it into a private vault, not wanting to lose anything I wrote.

Until today, that is. So here it is – in an unedited, “directors cut” format, my appeal for shared accommodation in the Parsippany / Rockaway area.

Your Love: I don’t know if people realized this. But I started blogging because of cricket and the fact that Rediff and Cricinfo stopped accepting pieces from guest authors. My posts as a guest author/columnist in these portals were perhaps my earliest attempts at putting my thoughts into paper, barring a few emails that I sent to friends from time to time.

So without my ado, here are my earliest Cricinfo contributions to the Writer in You section -

1. About the continued exclusion of Sadagopan Ramesh in March ’02

2. About the test match at Lords in August ’02

3. Thoughts about the first day of India West Indies test match at Bourda in April ’02.

And my contribution to Rediff as a guest author -

1. Musings about the win at Port of Spain in April ’02.

Apart from these, I’m going to link to a pair of long posts about my favorite cricketing pet peeve – The BCCI. These posts (part 1 and part 2), though a couple of years old ring true even now. I also believe that India needs to look at a core competency model for its selection policies, though positive changes seem to have come through in these past couple of years. And lastly this post about playing cricket with a scientific calculator.

Anything I like: I am romantically challenged, but even then I have a soft corner for this post of mine, a what-if tale of romance, from the perspective of a member of the vehiculum futbolus genetrix family. As I do for this one – about PTC/MTC buses in Chennai.

Another interest of mine is movies, so here are a couple – this post about one of my favorite movies, and this one about the general state of Bollywood. I have also pontificated in the past about dancing my heart out – Here and here. Lastly, I dont think this tag will not be complete without this cooking type post.

But before I leave, I have to apparently tag 5 bloggers whose blogs I love to read. Seems like two of them have to be new acquaintaces. Hmmm, let’s see.

In keeping with the trend on this post, I will cheat and tag 7 bloggers instead. I will tag – Smugbug, Arun, Pri, Megha, DoZ, Missus Em and Max Da Vinci.

A couple of these people haven’t posted recently and that’s never good. So I believe this retrospective look will spur them on. Particularly, Megha, whose latest anniversary post was such a cop out! Yo, Can we get a real post now? And DoZ, if you want, I will look away if you include your posts from Stochastica as well.

There, DONE!

Whew, five years is such a long time. But I am not done yet. Keep coming back and please do leave a comment or two everytime. Thanks to Lekhni for this opportunity. Came at the right time and I can’t think of a better way to usher in a new blogging year.A new template would have perhaps been perfect icing to this cake.But thanks to a brain freeze by yours truly, it was not to be. Ah well. Life’s not perfect, either.

And in other news, I seem to have been tagged again. Guruprasad’s tagged me to write about “non-important things/habits/quirks about yourself”. Now that is quite an impossible task because the blog does not have anything else apart from non-important things/habits/quirks about me and 480 odd posts is a large number to wade through.

In fact I think that this blog’s the single biggest reason that I am still single, because so much dirt on me can be got with a simple google search. So I have decided that I won’t muddy the waters any more. Can you excuse me, Sir?

Rediff’s Rajaneesh Vilakudy says,

If top industry sources are to be believed, Shankar will work with Rajnikanth in Robot, which was planned to be shot with Shah Rukh Khan in the lead and as producer. But the project apparently did not work out owing to ‘creative differences’, with Shah Rukh himself confirming the separation.

In any case, going by what I know about the movie, its not Thalaivar material at all.

Though the film’s thread is not confirmed, the name ‘Robot’ and widely-speculated media reports suggest the story is about a maverick scientist who creates a robot and later runs into trouble with his pet creation.

Thankfully (even if you don’t agree with me that Thalaivar should not touch this even with a pole), Rajaneesh also reminds us to take this piece of news with a pinch of salt with his parting shot -

Interestingly, a search on ‘Robot-Shanker-film’ throws up many actors’ names as the heroes of this dream project — the latest being Ajith of Billa fame in the lead.

So, thanks for nothing!

My dirty secret is something that will probably earn condemnation from most of my friends. Some will smile and make polite public noises about how it is all fine and yet privately swear off any association with me in the future. Maybe my inbox will be flooded with emails with “WTF” on their subjects. Maybe people that I haven’t spoke to in years will call and pray to get my voice mail because they don’t want nothing to do with me and yet are forced by social pressures to commiserate with my less than perfect life now.

Such is my probable fate, a fate certainly not pre-ordained, but one that I brought upon myself. You see, ladies and gentlemen, I was once a die hard fan of Shah Rukh Khan. And most inconveniently, that piece of history seems to have come back, ready to bite me on my posterior if I don’t come clean now. Because, lately, even with these historical misgivings and in spite of the revulsion that the infamous 6-pack evokes, I have been doubting my decision to disavow any affiliation with the name Rahul and the most (in)famous bearer of the name.

My induction into the Shah Rukh fan-boy circle happened about a dozen years ago. Being a student in a school favored by the Punju and Marwari crowd in Chennai gave me the unique experience of being in a “indhi” group in a city that was staunchly “anti-indhi”. Even though one’s parents were staunchly against any contact with corrupting influences such as movies, one always managed to catch the most recent superhit “indhi padams” via rental VHS camera prints.

It was via one such VHS tape that one first caught a glimpse of Shah Rukh Khan. Baazigar was not his first on screen stint, but it was certainly his best at that time. Soon he had become the resident psychopath of Bollywood. But he also spoke his lines in a manner more befitting an ass, braying his lines again and again when just a whisper could have done the job. Not that it mattered to his adoring fan-boys ((Not sure if murdering psychopaths are “attractive” to potential fan girls)) like me.

May be it was a conscious attempt to establish a strikingly obvious attribute of the kind that set apart the likes of yesteryear Bollywood heart-throbs like Dev Anand, but it was definitely an attempt that hit the bulls eye. Even now, more than a decade later, his lines have gotten so much following that rumor has it that they may have helped people win JAM contests (in Hindi) at IIM(L) ((Sources in the know, please clarify if its true!)).

Then almost overnight, the psycho-boy underwent metamorphosis into the lover boy and the fan girls took over. And the fan-boys tried to ape the lover boy to get the attention of the fan girls. Even in the farming hinterlands of Tamilnadu, we were not free from his influences. So whether the general populace knew Hindi or not, “Kuchikuchiotha aye” and “Dhilthopaakal aye” were avidly watched.

One was so much of a fan-boy that conscious attempts were made to model one’s wardrobe after his. Pastel shades started to find favor and I think at one point, you could see me walking from half mile away with my fluroscent green and orange tennis hats. And then there was the famous “COOL” chain (( It was substituted from time to time by the oversized metal “bling bling” pilfered from a piece of imitation jewellery that been discarded by my sister. But let’s not go into that.)).

It appeared magically on my neck wore it soon after I got on to the KPN bus to Trichy and disappeared soon after the bus stopped at Tambaram on my way back for the holidays. In the intervening period inside the college, the chain was carefully hidden away from prying eyes and let out during opportunities befitting its stature as the “coolest” fashion accessory.

And then one day, it inadvertently popped out in the presence of a teacher, who asked me about it. Embarrassed, I stayed silent, till a girl who was standing by, volunteered to explain what it was. Everyone else laughed and needless to say, the “cool” fashion accessory was rendered un-cool and soon discarded.

I became more discreet from then on and while movies like Yes Boss and Duplicate were watched multiple times, deniability became the name of the game. While privately his antics were enjoyed and aped, publicly I denounced him for taking every chance to hold his hands apart and go “hhhheyyyyy”. Slowly I really became a hater. The fact that he was a Yash Raj – KJo staple made it simpler.

By 2001, when I came to Ohio, the change was seemingly permanent. Watching Devdas cemented the sense that I had outgrown my fan boy status. It seemed like he was incapable of even swatting a fly without the “hhhheyyyy”. And slowly I stopped watching his movies. Movies like Swadesh did not do much to change my self imposed embargo since they seemed outliers on an overwhelmingly negative statistical curve.

Then a couple of months ago someone pointed me to the most recent Shah Rukh Khan soundtrack – Om Shanti Om. Watching Saturday morning desi tv here in NJ, one found out that Om Shanti Om was going to be Farah Khan’s second directorial venture and that Shah Rukh Khan was going to appear topless in a song, and attempt to emulate Salman (and dirty coal miners). Outwardly I groaned. But soon a sense of déjà vu washed over me.

You see, in one of my pseudo intellectual moods a few years ago, I had vowed not to watch Farah Khan’s directorial debut Main Hoon Naa. Mainly because I had heard that the climax had incorporated a chase sequence with Shah Rukh on a rickshaw with the bad guys in a car. However later, when I finally watched the movie, I ended up eating humble pie because I enjoyed the experience so much. And I was similarly confused for months later.

Fast forward a couple of years, I watched Om Shanti Om a few days ago. Now I am torn between pseudo intellectual hatred for what is essentially entertainment and being the fan-boy that is hidden inside me. Through the movie, I was humming along with the songs and laughing out aloud at the gags. I will clarify that I was offended by the “Enna Rascal-a” gag that draws its vibes from the preconceived notions about South Indians that have been established by yesteryear actors like Mehmood. But at the end of the movie I wanted to get an encore of some of the scenes and at least one song ((NOT THAT outrageous “ewww” inducing number.)).

I am confused. Am I going to be ostracized by my friends for coming out the closet as a Shah Rukh Khan fan-boy? Will people end conversations about me with a “not that there is anything wrong with it”? Will that hot Tamil gal who flashed a smile at the local grocery store last week frown and turn her face away this week? Will my already thread bare social life take a turn for the worst? So many questions. So much confusion.

Jokes apart, the biggest question I really have is – while I have been laughing at Shah Rukh these past few years, has Shah Rukh Khan been laughing with me too?
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But having said that, I don’t go out of my way to avoid complicated movies with serious multi-threaded, layered story lines that are not intended to cater to the lowest common denominator. On the contrart, a lot of times, I go after such movies with gusto. After all, I don’t want to be simple for long, do I? What’s life without improvement, I say?

So, the point of the post is pretty much this – going by the multitude of reviews, Anurag Kashyap’s latest – No Smoking seems to be a movie that pretty much encapsulates what I have said above. And the movie seems to be an ideal subject that will help me classify movie reviews for all you discerning readers.

Now I know what you are going to ask me. Why am I forcing you to spend a couple of minutes of your valuable time reading something that merely promises and not deliver immediately? The reason is that I wanted to set a goal for myself.

Too many posts are sitting in the drafts and one has seemed to have lost all the thread for most of them. The presence of this post sitting on the top of this page will goad me towards working on the said subject with a lot less subtlety than the half a dozen posts on the Drafts section.

The next question would be – Why are you not spending these 20 odd minutes on the post itself? The answer is, I don’t think the data that I am basing the post on is extensive enough at the moment. But the variety of data points that I have seen is astounding. So just you wait.

Enna kodumai sir, idhu?

In many ways, the work of a critic is easy. We risk very little yet enjoy a position over those who offer up their work and their selves to our judgment. We thrive on negative criticism, which is fun to write and to read. But the bitter truth we critics must face is that, in the grand scheme of things, the average piece of junk is more meaningful than our criticism designating it so.

- Anton Ego / Peter O’ Toole (Ratatouille, 2007)

One of my pet peeves has always been bad reviews and their reviewers, be it for movies, books or something else. And this line just stuck a chord with me. Reviews and reviewers are bound to be judgmental, but I can’t stand reviews that give away plot details, even if it is with the usage of a single word.

For example, I read a “opinion piece” about the last Harry Potter book recently that managed to divulge a key Bollywood-esque plot twist that had confounded readers since 1997. All that was needed was just one single phrase. And it is funny that that this so-called “opinion piece” came exactly 2 days after the release of the said book, which makes me wonder if the law should prohibit all “opinion pieces” about books and movies till a few months after the release, giving people enough time to form opinions of their own.

My response to the said piece was to ask for the inclusion of a “**spoiler alert**” warning on top of the piece, which went unheeded. Am I the only reader who knew what “unrequited” meant? Or am I the only one who put two and two together?

And then a few days later, I think, there was a “review” of the same book on the same website. And again, with the use of a single phrase, another plot detail was given out. My response to that review would have been the same as the previous one – a plea to include a “**spoiler alert**”. But the futility of the action just forced me to remain silent. But, after I completed the book, I realized that the use of the phrase was questionable.

These are but two of the recent cases that I have come across. I don’t claim to be a reviewer of note. In fact, there are a few reviewers that I absolutely idolize, e.g., Ebert. DoZ swears by Lane, but I don’t subscribe to the New Yorker, so I haven’t read much from him. Our very own B. Rangan comes close, but I have wondered if some of the movies that he as reviewed recently deserve the positive notes that he has sprinkled in about them. Seriously, Jhoom Barbar Jhoom and charming? But that brings us to the other point. Reviews are but the personal viewpoints of the reviewer. So I would never dare to question Baradwaj on his views.

I don’t typically question reviews because I have a choice. The fact that Variety called Marigold “charming” or that Baradwaj Rangan trashed it makes no difference. I still wouldn’t see it because the sight of Salman Khan always brings to mind that old Hey, I know you. You are the tellaphone man line that has left me totally scarred. I know the Krishs and the Dhooms are crap, but I still saw them. Either because it is totally a personal perspective or I am forced by association to go along with friends to ensure future company when I need it. Like I said, I have a choice.

So, I am sure you are wondering what I am doing here ranting about bad reviews, when I have a choice. Of course, like always, you have a valid point. But I do have an excuse. My feed reader, that’s what. Most of the time, I am deep into a post when I realize I have read too much.

So, my friends, bloggers and reviewers, next time you decide to write a review or blog about something you have read or seen, don’t worry about telling me that the subject sucked. Or that the subject rocked. I don’t care. But please do refrain from describing the subject minute by minute or word to word. As Ego writes about Remy’s cooking in Ratatouille, the average piece of junk is more meaningful than our criticism designating it so. So, don’t make make it worse divulging plot details.