Reliable sources have alleged that the members of the simian world are thinking of complaining to the US Senate (which has recently been perceived as having an edge over Judge Judy and the United Nations, as the premier small claims arbitrator of the world) about the use of “that word” as a racial slur. You, Mike, can help us dismiss this simian charge and bring normalcy back to international simian-human relations.

Recent reports have also suggested that inter-racial couples and couples in aviyal relationships are refraining from using “that word” while referring to their partners affectionately. Your explanation might help to restore normalcy to that part of society too.

Thank you in advance.

Sincerely,

Anantha.

(P.S: I don’t expect either you or those arses Symonds, Ponting and Hayden to know this, but a friend suggested yesterday that a certain bawdy Hindi phrase could rhyme with “that word”. And while the aforementioned Hindi phrase is admittedly offensive, there is nothing racial about it. Brett Lee, who is starting to annoyingly become “more desi than thou”, can be called to give circumstantial evidence to this claim. As you know, Brett Lee is an Aussie. So his words would be more credible than mine, no?)

Every Australian tour is packaged with pitfalls, both for individual and the team itself. The team pitfalls come on the field, via the Aussie juggernaut. But the individual holes are dug by the team management and in some cases, allegedly by the players themselves. Ganguly’s apparent refusal to carry drinks as the 12th man comes immediately to mind.But these individual issues mostly get resolved as time goes by, but the real problems are the ones that are caused by loud mouthed non media savvy administrators of the game who don’t think before their speak. Jayawant Lele’s comment did more for the downfall of the ’99 team than the potent Aussie bowling or the impotency of the Indian top order.

Lalchand Rajput’s case of “foot in mouth” and the subsequent denial is the latest example. The funny thing though is that almost every one of these media missteps happen right before or during an Australian tour. Is the Australian media to blame? Or is the egoistic Indian cricket administrators the cause?I think its more of the latter. Indian cricket has always been ruled by men with scant regard for the rigours and pressures of the game. Or if they have some experience, these same men seem to be afflicted with selective amnesia once they decide that they want to be an administrator.

Early this year, one of the ad hoc managers who went to South Africa, a man from the armed forces, if I am right, seemed to do a good job and the job of a full fledged media manager was pooh poohed by the powers that be. Perhaps it is time to take this job more seriously. For, never before has the case for a media coordinator for the Indian team made so inadvertently and yet so forcefully.

(P.S: I am hyperventilating. No one come to me with smart ass comments. To trump all of you, I have made the most smart ass of posts. Thank you for understanding!)

The thing is, the fact that we ended the day in a strong note does not change my reservations about how we got there. Sure, ends do justify the means, but in my eyes the means are nevertheless impossible. More often than not in the past, we have had not so good results on a day where the first session went the same way.

Our consistency (or the lack there of) has always been in the news and no amount of light hearted banter at the end of the day from Kumble (see below) can mask the fact that he is in fact, more a bowler than a captain. Yes, he did live up to his words.

For all the incisive breakthroughs of the second and the third sessions, what stands out is that first session. It is my firm belief that Australia owned India during that morning session. And the more sessions that a team wins, the better the chances of a victory. India won two today, but if the captaincy is going to as inspid as it was during the first session, it is going to be that much difficult.

Jagadish says that as individuals, India has mostly regressed since the last tour and I agree with that. But there is every chance that the value of this whole team is more than the sum of its individual parts. And the first session of the second day shall show that.

Peter English thinks that India is not capable of getting past the 350 or so that Australia will probably end up with and I dont agree with that at all. Even with his role as makeshift opener, Dravid and the other three are still capable bats and Yuvraj’s addition should prove to be the proverbial shot in the arm. So I don’t forsee any problems with India leading Australia at the end of the first innings.

But before we go ahead and think about India’s batting, it is important to put some emphasis on finishing Australia off. And we have seen tails wag when facing India. Clark and Johnson have put on 25 in quick time and the sooner India finishes them off, the better it will be.

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I think the first sign that I was seeing something familiar came when one of those slashed cuts had Kumble genuflecting at backward point. Then a couple of wayward returns to the keeper followed. Soon Ganguly made a hash of a routine stop in deep midwicket (letting the ball go between his legs) and it was business as usual.

One oft repeated quote from Kumble has been that he is a bowler first and then a captain, but if that was not a quote manufactured by a over imaginative journalist, someone should point out to Kumble that he did contradict himself. Bringing Ganguly second change did not really paint Kumble in glorious shade of crimson and gold. Neither did keeping himself out of the attack till only 20 minutes or so before lunch. And the fields set for Harbhajan left the bowler exasperated, though he did bowl a few horrendous deliveries very very wide outside off stump that Phil Jacques did well to reach and cut. So what was a period of optimistic attacking bowling turned out later to be a familiar story.

Another thing that comes to mind, now that I think of it is that, time and again captains have turned to Ganguly to bowl soon after the opening bowlers have had the opposing batsman hopping. Azhar seemed to do that and Kumble did so today. And most of these instances, Ganguly dibbly dobbly bowling has been tucked into, just like Hayden got into him today.

The bowling changes of this first session reminded me of Kolkota Test of the Asian Test Championship during the 1998-99 session. Srinath and Prasad had Pakistan hopping around and had reduced them to 17 for 6 or something. Then Ganguly comes as first change and after two maidens (which was probably because the Pakistanis gave him undue respect), gave away a boundary each and then the pressure was taken off. Incidentally in that test match, Kumble bowled exactly 1 over (the penultimate) before lunch. *Sigh*

My problem with Ganguly bowling with the batsmen under pressure is that Ganguly is not a front line bowler. It was apparent that when he was captain that he recognized that. One did not see him bring himself on first change (or second change) when he was captain. He let his bowlers do their thing and concentrated on other things.

Well, what’s done is done. Australia is 111 for no loss. The second session is about to begin and there is no Shep to hop around in one leg. May be the triple nelson will undo Australia. But more importantly and hopefully, Kumble and India will do things differently as we go forward in this Test match and this series.

So, the official start of the Australian summer is just a fifteen minutes away and there is some concrete news of the team composition. First, the toss, though! Looks like Dravid will have to wait to put on his pads since as Ponting seems to have won the toss and has chosen to have a bat first.

The Australians have left Tait out and so Hogg will get a look in. As for India, Mark Taylor thinks that India have been brave since they go in with four specialist bowlers with Bhajji coming in as the second spinner to complement Kumble. How brave is that, we shall see.

And I am not sold at all about the whole Dravid experiment. Looks like the old “he comes in at over 10 anyways, so why not push him up” experiment is in the works again. Et tu, Kumble? If only the selectors had the same patience to persist with a specialist opener that they have time and again exhibited with this “push middle order batsman to open” experiment, I am sure we’d have found a stable opening pair by now.

Aaah, the teams are now coming out for the national anthem. It will be Gurmit Singh and Silvie Paladino doing the honors for the two countries. It’s a sunny day in Melbourne with the temprature at a balmy 63F. And the pitch promises to be a good batting track. So I am thinking that Ponting will agree that this was a good toss to begin, given India’s fragile bowling attack. But all that on paper only and anything can happen on the field.

So I am going to sit back now and watch. Wish me (and India) luck…